so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
