Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
