I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
