My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
