drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
