could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
