It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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