Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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