plz talk dirty to me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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