I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
