do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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