I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
