its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
