fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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