everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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