yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
