remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
