how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
