I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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