honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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