i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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