This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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