Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
