I think im going to throw up on grandma
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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