True but thats because hes a fetus.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
