My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
