i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
