he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
