well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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