I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
