Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
