Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
