My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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