i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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