One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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