literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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