So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
