Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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