Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
