I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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