Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
