i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
