Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
