woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
