I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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