Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
