my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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