eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
