I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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