I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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