Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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